Babcia and Alex

My parents called when they got to my Grandmother's to let me know they landed safely. I spoke to my Mom, Dad and one of my Aunts who happened to be there. I am glad that my Mom is surrounded by her sisters, brother and the rest of the family. There is so much healing and comfort in grieving together, knowing each others hearts without speaking a word and remembering all the fun/funny things from growing up, etc. Today is my Grandmother's funeral. I can't even imagine how hard it will be to look at a coffin knowing your Mother's remains are in it...So final. I remember when I buried Abigail - the site of the coffin with her little body in it made my knees so weak that if it wasn't for my Dad holding me up I would have fallen to the ground. I know it's different when a Mother dies then when your child dies...but the pain must be the same. I can't imagine the heart ache...I am feeling very alone here...I wish I could be with my family now, I long to be with them. And I wish I could be there for the funeral. In meantime I cry silent tears. Alone. I turn to God for comfort and He meets me. I pray for my family throughout the day and at night and I know He hears my prayers. He is a good God, even when it's hard and when we don't understand.

On a different note: Alex is fully transitioned to the big girl formula. She is tolerating the overnight feeds but not the daytime feeds. As a matter of fact she has been vomiting each day time feed and when I say vomiting I mean all of it. Out. I called G.I. Nutrition yesterday and she said she was afraid this may happen. Nutren Junior is a 30 cal formula vs. PediaSure which is a 27 cal formula so that little bit more of density may be putting Alexandria's belly over the edge. The overnight feeds are set to go into Alexandria's belly at a much lower rate then the daytime feeds. We lowered the amount of formula and the rate for the day time feeds to see if that works. If not, we will go from there. Thank you for your prayers! Oh, still no surgery date...I called twice to follow-up. I am told it can take a while especially around the Holidays...and that they are working on it. They said it's more involved then people think. I believe it. So we are still waiting for a date. I will let you know what it is once we have it. Have a great Thanksgiving!